12.31.2003

Happiness is a warm blog

[dare i mention the bailey's on the rocks i'm enjoying here at work? nah....] As is the wont of all sentimental saps like myself, here we are at the threshold of another year and I should give thanks for stuff. My memories tend to get a bit hazy when looking over the whole year like this. So if you and I shared a memory together or something to be thankful for that I neglect to mention, please post a comment. In 2003: We found out we had a wee one on the way. I guess all the sterility jokes we Wooster Rugby players used to make were based on myths after all. ... Bread & Fish ended at its peak and yet from its ashes God has blessed us with a community of brave and probably somewhat deluded souls, many of whom already had a past with B and I to some extent--who despite reason choose to show up Sunday after Sunday. Though I probably don't tell them this enough, Joshua, Jeff, Mike, and palmer were instrumental seed-planters for this thing. ... Element was financially better off than ever before, in part because of the addition of Luke. As always, John worked, played, and prayed harder than the rest of us put together. Whether at home, work, GBC, or Asia's Hope, he continues to blaze ahead like a ship constantly at full sail. ... Predator extrordinare--Seamus--survived getting hit by a car and is now a much more willing (or at least stationary) member of the Chateau de Peterson. ... Brdfrd was smitten by a woman. Or at least by Trinity. ... B and I passed four years of marriage and still find something new to love about each other each day. We are deep into the second book of the Hitchhiker's Guide Trilogy and want to finish it before the baby barges in. ... I received UGG slipper-shoes from my sis for Christmas and can now enjoy walking to work in relative comfort. ... My three favorite women in the world (B, Mom, Erin) have become closer throughout the year--truly making this family thing work. ... I managed to brave the application process and put in my apps for three doctoral programs in History/Philosophy of Science. ... Uncle Screwtape's beleaguered blog has managed to chug along for almost a year now. ... I managed to get through a book-a-fortnight for almost the whole year. Good stuff! Happy New Orbit-Around-Sun!

for roger (who is not alone)

Artist: David Wilcox Song Title: If It Wasn't for the Night Album: Into the Mystery [Buy " Into the Mystery " CD] "If it wasn't for the night So cold this time of year The stars would never shine so bright So beautiful and clear I have walked this road alone My thin coat against the chill When the light in me was gone And my winter house was stilled When I grieved for all I'd made Out of all I had to give On the eve of Christmas day With no reason left to live Even then somehow in the bitter wind and cold Impossibly strong I know Even then a bloom as tender as a rose Was breaking through the snow In the dark night of the soul In the dark night of the soul If it wasn't for the babe Lying helpless on the straw There would be no Christmas day And the night would just go on When it seem that death has won Buried deep beneath the snow Where the summer leaves have gone The seed of hope will grow."

My temporary life

There are perhaps two true seasons in my life, one is community and the other is its absense. While in one, I crave the other. How on earth does that make any sense? It seems that my life is defined by longings rather than a sense of belonging. I enjoy being a brother for a while, but then when all is going well this urge grows in me to be a foreigner onces more. I am folied by such a longing, for when I am the foreigner all I wish for is friendship. Community is wonderful, a place defined by our willingness to use our giftedness for the benefit of brethren. It is a concept too, but one cannot live in the conceptual. I grow tired of the concept of community, the thoughts concerning what it could look like, purely because while I stay in the conceptual I do nothing to actualise it. I appease my curiosity by thinking how wonderful life shall be in the future (when I have community), and yet a minute later I twat myself around the head and realise that the Kingdom is about now. The kingdom has come, and the spirit is with us. Community is on my doorstep. There is always a BUT, and in this case it is my own sense of pride. If I am very honest, the past 3 months have been spent outside of true community purely because I have not thought the people I have met as interesting enough, intelligent enough, or committed enough. Therefore I have not invested. How very immature for me to rate people, and more so, to rate myself as deserving of better. God and I have, as a result, been on quite a journey together. The winter of 2003 has been a time of great reflection. The lack of community as I would like to experience it has meant more time for me. Selfish? Not in this case. You will all know that I find it hard to sit still, and that I yearn for a life where adventure is in the everyday. You will have experienced conversations with me in which you have sensed that I am maturing; and others where my words reflect those of a juvenile. Winter in Lincolnshire is a harsh and desolate time. The lands are flat and the skies are gray oceans. I have walked many miles, crossing many dirt tracks and entering many regions of thought I never knew existed. I have realised how easily my mind ventures into the depths of evil, and how powerfully the lure of the world tugs on my chest. But, I have also found a fresh world view - and new desires that come with it. I believe that I can have community and yet still have the sense of adventure i crave...but it means giving up on my independence and becoming truly interdependent. It means proactivity, it means I must invite people along, it means I can no longer speak of community - I must be community. Yes yes yes...great words roger, but when have you ever followed through on such a grand scale? Your past is against you. I believe people are desperate for what I have to offer, and I am desperate for what they have. There have to be people, a few, a dozen, a thousand, who have asked the 'why'? question, gone to 'church' and then forgotten about both the question and the church. My endeavour for 2004 is to create a church that transitions together, grows together, experiences adventure together. The church exists in part for the benefit of building up the saints. It is for our benefit...that in community we might worship God together, and in our personal lives, we might develop relationships with our Father, our Saviour, and our Brothers. Only in community can I love the lord my god, and love my neighbours as I love myself. I cannot love outside of community. I bought a pair of walking boots the other day...I walked 8 miles yesterday. I have never felt so worshipful in all my life than as I walked along the tracks looking up at the world around me. Worship is what interests me, what fulfills my longing. It is in worship that I shall find the greatest adventure. Thank you Erik & Brad for sewing seeds in my life, for the introduction to community, and for the time you took to encounter the Lord with me. Have a wonderful and Blessed New Year.

12.30.2003

My Dear Mogslopper,

I've noticed a decline in our communications as of late. Thoughtfully, Our Power Below has allowed us to adopt some of the more ingenious methods of our patients in the ongoing effort to more efficiently deceive, bother, and consume them. Perhaps now I can convince you of the importance of keeping your Dear Old Uncle in-the-loop, as they say. You should have noticed (and if not, I'll point it out to you presently) that this weblogging medium is especially helpful to our cause as it suggests to the humans an onion's skin of personal interaction and relationship whilst at the same time denying the vermin those infuriating subtleties of voice and eye-contact and non-verbal communication used so disgustingly by our Enemy on his widely misunderstood sojourn here eons ago. Like anything, it is neither good nor evil in its essence. But treated gingerly, we might be able to evince that special habit of non-committal voyerism from a few of them. Or at least we can continue to persuade our patients to drag themselves and others into nuanced discussions of their favorite political figures and flavors of ice cream, specious judgments against this or that, polemics on lofty issues they hardly grasp. For, you must remember, and I will remind you frequently as I did my Dearly Departed Nephew Wormwood, that it is far less important how or with what topic you distract these miserable naked apes. What counts is that you distract. The moment we are trying to avoid at all costs is the one in which they begin to first hear and then look for Him. We have never had so many weapons of Ultimate Distraction at our disposal as we do presently. I dare not even go into detail about the technological developments of the Infernal Workshops--of which this pornography-laden internet phenomenon is just one. But you know as well as any Junior Tempter that the question we want to turn them from is the Why? Question. Of course even the Why Question is useful in circumstances where your patient has no intention of truly asking the question. If you sense a level of sincerity in their questioning, however.... Introduce something alluring. Tempt them! There is always the television. The news is particularly effective in these instances--they somehow feel that if they hear the up-to-the-minute report about something that they obtain knowledge. And if these buggers treasure anything, it's the ability to spout off a piece of news faster and more emphatically than their neighbor. But this is merely a suggestion. Surely a creative Tempter like yourself can think of a dozen ways to distract them from questioning anything faster than I can say Icravetheirsweetmeats. I wish you well in this new assignment. Fatten this one up on his own self-importance and I fancy we'll both be sharing a dainty morsel in none-too-long. With anticipation, Your Uncle

"i'm rather dyspeptic this morning" --uncle screwtape

Our old college friend Sioux visited us yesterday, all the way from colorado springs where she works with ben and robin pasley of 100 portraits/enter the worship circle/blue renaissance. She's on the same journey we are on--asking many of the same questions, coming up against many of the same barriers, finding similar criticism and support. She's wonderful, a fellow pilgrim. And she spouted off some insights yesterday that struck me: "In the church machine, it's easier to not relate--to turn on your 'Christian' switch, go into the building, say your 'Hellos' and 'I'm fines' to everyone, sit back and be moved by music and message, and then walk out an hour or two later back into your 'Normal' life." "When I'm in a room with six or seven people who know me, who are committed to me as a person, it's hard to fake being okay. They see the 'ouch' or 'ugh' on my face, even if I try to hide it." "I don't understand it when people ask me 'Did you go to church this week?' right in the middle of our small group meeting. I always think 'Hello! I am the Church! How do I go to myself?' But then I remember that even just a few months ago I still believed that the Church was a building or many buildings or an event instead of the Body of Christ which can only be people and relationships."

12.29.2003

You never bring me flowers. You never sing me love songs.

So this is Christmas? My sister-in-law, T, and I are at the counter of a deli in a tiny town in New Hampshire ordering lunch. This wizened man with more hair over his eyes than on his scalp leans over the counter full of refridgerated meat and in finely crafted New England drawl asks us, "Merry Chreesmis.... Ahn't you glahd the damn thing is ovah?" To which we had to answer a very un-Christmasy "yes." As T is an agnostic socialist and I am a son-in-law, Christmas dredges up such conflicting, bittersweet emotions. The family comes together for their once-a-year reunion from disparate edges of the USA, carting in accents and issues and contexts and opinions just waiting to collide. In three days, we go from high points of filial love and conviviality to depths of nagging and finger-pointing. Gift giving begins as a ritual of inter-personal knowing and supplying--presents are needed and appreciated--eventually languishing in guilt-stuffed eddies of "I searched for this for you for months, but if you don't like it, I can take it back...." Sure, it's something that you'd never use, can't stand, and would rather flush down the commode than try to find a place to store, but you artificially light up your face and muster a "No, it's wonderful!!! Thank you!!!" In reality, I only grunt. But it's a superficially thankful grunt. There are great points too. There are conversations you never could have had otherwise, great food, space to read for a while, lots of snow, traditions and stories of Christmases long gone, my wife being content with our lives here and now. At the end, of course, there are lots of hugs and kind, heartfelt words about how it was good to see everyone and how this year was better than last and have a safe trip and we'll talk again soon. With each person gone, there's that faint scent of bittersweetness again...more room, fewer people, fewer laughs but less tension. A greater sense of normalcy and control. A weaker sense of holiday. Inevitably the car turns from the dirt roads to pavement and then to highway. The talk turns from do you remember this and did you know that and what were you thinking when this happened to the same stinging questions. "Is this how it will always be?" "What can we do different?" "Should we try to say anything?" And the most painful one: "Is this it?" Will the years whip by one after another without significant, vibrant conversation, without true understanding or friendship? When the insane and crafty and unintentional, unspoken barriers between family members finally crumble, will it be too late? Will it be on a death-bed or, worse, afterwards? Of course once we've thought and talked and mourned dysfunctionality in our blood-familes, we turn to our faith-families. Surely there we can find the true brothers and sisters our Lord spoke of. Surely there the paper and tape relationships we construct and observe in our earth-focused families can be shredded and burnt by the iron-sharpening-iron phileo of Believer-ly brother- and sister-hood. But sometimes, maybe most-times, there we run around like the wooden toy-people in Max Lucado's You Are Special--running from wooden person to wooden person trying to get shiny stickers and not ugly dots, soothing words instead of stinging ones (or apathy, which hurts far more perhaps). Too rarely, we go to the Toy Maker. Too rarely we ask him to scour the stickers off of us, without regard to which ones are privilaged--even good stickers from big wooden people. Far, far too often I find myself craving some mention by someone; some acknowledgement that I am valuable to them, that I make a difference in their cosmos. Somehow even Christians run around looking for scraps of praise from others. And in our blitzkrieg of encouragement-seeking, we close our eyes to the real needs of those around us. We want our own Christmas--a day spent in our own praise. And we--I--never take our eyes off ourselves enough to join our Toy Maker in making his kingdom come, his will be done on earth as it already and always is in heaven. And so another year stumbles by. In our best moments, hopefully we open our eyes and cry out "Is this it?!?!" But I fear that all too often, Christian or not, we just look for our next fix. I've seen the needle and the damage done. A little part of it in everyone. But every junkie's like a setting sun.

quote for today

long time, no blogging! now that i'm back around a computer, i can finish off that essay by Lewis on Christmas versus Xmas. ___ Xmas and Christmas--a lost chapter from Herodotus by C. S. Lewis "But when the day of the festival comes, then most of the citizens, being exhausted with the Rush, lie in bed till noon. But in the evening they eat five times as much supper as on other days and, crowning themselves with crowns of paper [an Niatirbian Xmas tradition], they become intoxicated. And on the day after Exmas they are very grave, being internally disordered by the supper and the drinking and the reckoning how much they have spent on gifts and wine. For wine is so dear among the Niatirbians that a man must swallow the worth of a talent before he is well intoxicated. "Such, then, are their customs about the Exmas. But the few among the Niatirbians have also a festival, separate and to themselves, called Crissmas, which is on the same day as Exmas. And those that keep Crissmas, doing the opposite to the majority of the Niatirbians, rise early on that day with shining faces and go before sunrise to certain temples where they partake of a sacred feast. And in most of the temples they set out images of a fair woman with a new-born Child on her knees and certain animals and shepherds adoring the Child. (The reason of these images is given in a certain sacred story which I know but do not repeat.) "But I myself conversed with a priest in one of these temples and asked him why they kept Crissmas on the same day as Exmas; for it appeared to me inconvenient. But the priest replied, It is not lawful, O Stranger, for us to change the date of Crissmas, but would that Zeus would put it into the minds of the Niatirbians to keep Exmas at some other time or not keep it at all. For Exmas and the Rush distract the minds even of the few from sacred things. And we indeed are glad that men should make merry at Crissmas; but in Exmas there is no merriment left. And when I asked him why they endured the Rush, he replied, It is, O Stranger, a racket; using (as I suppose) the words of some oracle and speaking unintelligibly to me (for a racket is an instrument which the barbarians use in a game called tennis). "But what Hecateus says, that Exmas and Crissmas are the same, is not credible. For first, the pictures which are stamped on the Exmas-cards have nothing to do with the sacred story which the priests tell about Crissmas. And secondly, the most part of the Niatirbians, not believing the religion of the few, nevertheless send the gifts and the cards and participate in the Rush and drink, wearing paper caps. But it is not likely that men, even barbarians, should suffer so many and great things in honour of a god they do not believe in. And now, enough about Niatirb." --C. S. Lewis. God in the Dock (1970). pp. 301-303.

12.22.2003

quote for today

merry christmas everyone! i'll be in new hampshire and probably unable to blog for about a week. i meant to finish that quote by C.S. Lewis about Xmas vs. Christmas...but of course i forgot it today. so, here you have a killer christmas thought by Bonhoeffer. "The Coming of Jesus in Our Midst" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer "It is very remarkable that we face the thought that God is coming so calmly, whereas previously peoples trembled at the day of God, whereas the world fell into trembling when Jesus Christ walked over the earth. That is why we find it so strange when we see the marks of God in the world so often together with the marks of human suffering, with the marks of the cross on Golgotha. "We have become so accustomed to the idea of divine love and of God's coming at Christmas that we no longer feel the shiver of fear that God's coming should arouse in us. We are indifferent to the message, taking only the pleasant and agreeable out of it and forgetting the serious aspect, that the God of the world draws near to the people of our little earth and lays claim to us. The coming of God is truly not only glad tidings, but first of all frightening news for everyone who has a conscience."

12.19.2003

thanks, man

mg reminds me that the critiques and interpretations mean nothing if the film doesn't move you. amen! i can't wait to go see it again with b. she'll be all pregnant and emotional...it'll make the movie even better, because it'll be okay to cry :-)

quote for today

Says Uncle Screwtape: "Merry Xmas. Or is that Christ-mass? Let us consult a former Servant of the Enemy...." Xmas and Christmas--a lost chapter from Herodotus by C. S. Lewis "...And beyond this there lies in the ocean, turned toward the west and north, the island of Niatrib which Hecataeus indeed declares to be the same size and shape as Sicily, but it is larger, though in calling it triangular a man would not miss the mark. It is densely inhabited by men who wear clothes not very different from the other barbarians who occupy the northwestern parts of Europe though they do not agree with them in language. These islanders, surpassing all the men of whom we know in patience and endurance, use the following customs. "In the middle of winter when fogs and rains most abound, they have a great festival they call Exmas, and for fifty days they prepare for it in the fashion I shall describe. First of all, every citizen is obliged to send to each of his friends and relations a square piece of hard paper stamped with a picture, which in their speech is called an Exmas-card. But the pictures represent birds sitting on branches, or trees with a dark green prickly leaf, or else men in such garments as the Niatirbians believe that their ancestors wore two hundred years ago riding in coaches such as their ancestors used, or houses with snow on their roofs. And the Niatirbians are unwilling to say what these pictures have to do with the festival, guarding (as I suppose) some sacred mystery. And because all men must send these cards the market-place is filled with the crowd of those buying them, so that there is great labour and weariness. "But having bought as many as they suppose to be sufficient, they return to their houses and find there the like cards which others have sent to them. And when they find cards from any to whom they also have sent cards, they throw them away and give thanks to the gods that this labour at least is over for another year. But when they find cards from any to whom they have not sent, then they beat their breasts and wail and utter curses against the sender; and, having sufficiently lamented their misfortune, they put on their boots again and go out into the fog and rain and buy a card for him also. And let this account suffice about Exmas-cards. "They also send gifts to one another, suffering the same things about the gifts as about the cards, or even worse. For every citizen has to guess the value of the gift which every friend will send to him so that he may send one of equal value, whether he can afford it or not. And they buy as gifts for one another such things as no man ever bought for himself. For the sellers understanding the custom, put forth all kinds of trumpery, and whatever, being useless and ridiculous, they have been unable to sell throughout the year they now sell as an Exmas gift. And though the Niatirbians profess themselves to lack sufficient necessary things, such as metal, leather, wood and paper, yet an incredible quantity of these things is wasted every year, being made into the gifts. "But during these fifty days the oldest, poorest and most miserable of the citizens put on false beards and red robes and walk about the market-place; being disguised (in my opinion) as Chronos. And the sellers of gifts no less than the purchasers become pale and weary, because of the crowds and the fog, so that any man who came into a Niatirbian city at this season would think some great public calamity had fallen on Niatirb. This fifty days of preparation is called in their barbarian speech the Exmas Rush." [i'll finish this later--about the same amount left]

hmmmm... maybe... i still think there's something missing

a very well-written, thought provoking article by a well-known sci-fi writer critiquing LoR. even though he's smart and a good writer, etc., i feel like he is only focusing on the sociopolitical aspects of Tolkien's work, not looking at all at the spiritual or mythical aspects. but since he's criticizing Romanticism in general, maybe he can't examine anything other than the academically-treatable sociopolitical stuff.

hmmmm...i disagree

From "Seeing between the lines" by Stephen Lewis "For those moviegoers that are often frustrated by movies of books, a new train of thought may be in order. To get the most out of both respective works, one must expose themselves to the film first in order to avoid preoccupations or expectations that often penalize filmmakers for being creative with their source material. In the best of cases, people will enjoy the movie first, and then go onto read the novel and like it just as much or even more than the film; that doesn’t change their positive experience seeing the movie." Right about here, Marshall McLuhan might say, "The Medium is the Message," and Neil Postman might say, "The problem, in any case, does not reside in what people watch. The problem is in that we watch...." Somehow, I think Stephen Lewis' quote belies a particular claim about the status of movies in our culture that seems to become truer every day.

12.18.2003

quote for today

this comes from a good review of RoK by the London Daily Mail. The USA Today, LA Times, Washington Post, and others all had similarly glowing reviews. "For its scale, imagination and passion, this is, without doubt, the greatest cinematic trilogy ever--surpassing by far its nearest competitors, The Godfather and the first three Star Wars." i'll have to see it again to have a little bit better perspective, but this many good reviews really does mean i can like it without feeling guilty....

Return of the King--no spoilers

i love working at a place where we can leave at noon for the movies. actually, let me clarify. we've only left for one movie--though it had three parts--Lord of the Rings. thank you to john for letting us see this defining cultural event three years in a row. i will be very, very happy when this becomes a greater commercial and artistic success than Titanic, which, frankly, was wearying and just pointed out the general sappiness of our current culture. so finally peter jackson daringly makes a movie boys and girls can like together...although i'm sure there are several of you who would disagree vehemently. but when i'm a grandfather, hopefully my grandkids will still like this movie. and if they don't, i'll complain that they're just stupid kids and to help me get up and go to the bathroom because granddad's laxatives have kicked in finally. whoa, i digress. so the movie was good. i'm obviously biassed for reasons i've specified--at painful lengths--earlier. but i really do think that if you're looking for one of those tales that punch you at some sort of primeval level, this will get you. or you'll leave really confused because you had to walk out to pee at that crucial moment in the movie and never caught up to the story. i do feel like--and i've read other reviews that would concur--that certain fairly significant moments of the book were left out or greatly altered, probably in the interest of time. but paradoxically, the movie felt rushed somehow. and then there's a little matter of the drawn-out ending. but compared to the book (which I read again the day before the movie--and was chastised for doing so by my not-as-obsessed friends), the sped-up parts were necessary. and the ending was shorter than in the book. one thing i'd like to comment on--i don't think this spoils anything--is that the Shelob's Lair segment, while saturated with tension, etc., really didn't do justice to the book. Shelob herself, much like the other CGI characters, was extremely believable...i had nightmares. but there was too much other sam/frodo/gollum conflict in the wrong places to really let it build up to the absolute terror i felt when i first read the scene in the book where the light of Galadriel's Phial reflects off Shelob's eyes in the darkness. the movie was too well-lit in this part. you could see everything and never really felt like Frodo was lost. and i really felt like if they followed the book and gollum tackled sam while frodo was caught unawares by Shelob and Sam got to watch Frodo get stung and wrapped by Shelob while he was busy with Gollum--a grisly part in the movie would have become much more climactic and character-based rather than just a terrible event. but it was still a good movie. it still deserves an oscar for something other than score, special effects, and costumes, which it should be a shoe-in for anyway.

i blew coke out my nose

um... what on earth would make a man decide to do that kind of thing?...What was he trying to prove? Who was he trying to impress? Why did he build it? How did he do it? It was anybody's guess.... quislibet: a musical interlude "magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri."

12.17.2003

quote for today

"Go see Return of the King." there's my quote....

12.16.2003

quote for today

i feel like i keep drawing from the same well...but this stuff is some good thinkin material. the paradox of God's immanence and transcendence has bent men's concepts of the universe for ages. currently, we try to tackle it in the deceptively simple "Now and Not Yet"--as if in that one phrase, we've become masters of our ignorance. of course, how do we describe something that we don't have the power to do in and of ourselves and really exists simply as a concept--an attribute of the Invisible God? this article throws the absolute "otherness" of God back in our faces, even when we've gotten used to thinking of God as nearby. here's a quote: "The Divine Dawning" by Karl Rahner "Are you the eternal Advent? Are you he who is always still to come, but never arrives in such a way as to fulfill our expectations? Are you the infinitely distant One, who can never be reached? "Are you only the distant horizon surrounding the world of our deeds and sufferings, the horizon which, no matter where we roam, is always just as far away? Are you only the eternal Today, containing within itself all time and all change, equally near to everything, and thus also equally distant? "When our bleeding feet have apparently covered a part of the distance to your eternity, don't you always retreat twice as far away from us, into the immense reaches filled only by your infinite being? Has humanity drawn the least bit closer to you in the thousands and thousands of years that have elapsed since it boldly began its most exciting and fearsome adventure, the search for you? "Have I come any nearer to you in the course of my life, or doesn't all the ground I have won only make my cup all the more bitter because the distance to you is still infinite? Must we remain ever far from you, O God of immensity, because you are ever near to us, and therefore have no need of "coming" to us? Is it because there is no place in our world to which you must first "find your way"? "You tell me that you have really already come, that your name is Jesus, Son of Mary, and that I know in what place and at what time I can find you. That's all true, of course, Lord--but forgive me if I say that this coming of yours seems to me more like a going, more like a departure than an arrival...."

12.15.2003

more challenging stuff

...from this article. "'When I was young I wanted to do grand things. Then I met Dorothy Day, and the first time I heard her speak it was to the effect: think not on the morrow; cast caution to the winds. She said, "There are great things to be done, and who will do them but the young. Yet how will they do them if all they think about is their own security?" Dorothy was younger when she said that than I am now. I might temper her advice, as she might, too, with greater experience. But it remains that we did do great things, by accident, or by the grace of God. We took part in the dismantling of the legal structures of racial segregation in the U.S. through nonviolence (though today, forty years later, the condition of the poorest blacks is worse than it was then). We reintroduced nonviolence into Catholic and mainline Protestant consciousness (though the threat of war remains, and it is more grave in many ways). Now a new generation thirsts for the heroic. "There are great things to be done--Dare to struggle!" In struggle I learned that the grandest thing is simply to do the ordinary things with ordinary people in the spirit of love, to enter the lives of the poor, to love them and to allow oneself to be loved by them, and to be guided by the needs of the community and obedient to its voice. St. Therese of Lisieux called it "the little way." This is what brings true peace, the peace of Christ. It is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, and it grows upon the pruned vine.'" --Tom Cornell of the Catholic Worker

quote for today

all is white here. i hate being the first to step into the snow or drive over untracked parts. snow feels so impossibly permanent when it's on the ground but, at least around here, barely lasts through the day most times. Jared Carter Poetry :: Poems :: "Snow" Snow by Jared Carter. First published in Poetry. Copyright ©1999 and 2003 by the Modern Poetry Association. At every hand there are moments we cannot quite grasp or understand. Free to decide, to interpret, we watch rain streaking down the window, the drain emptying, leaves blown by a cold wind. At least we sense a continuity in such falling away. But not with snow. It is forgetfulness, what does not know, has nothing to remember in the first place. Its purpose is to cover, to leave no trace of anything. Whatever was there before— the worn broom leaned against the door and almost buried now, the pile of brick, the bushel basket filling up with thick, gathering whiteness, half sunk in a drift— all these things are lost in the slow sift of the snow's falling. Now someone asks if you can remember—such a simple task— the time before you were born. Of course you cannot, nor can I. Snow is the horse that would never dream of running away, that plods on, pulling the empty sleigh while the tracks behind it fill, and soon everything is smooth again. No moon, no stars, to guide your way. No light. Climb up, get in. Be drawn into the night.

12.12.2003

this just made my weekend

okay, it hasn't started yet, but i'm thinking about getting a subscription to this mag. they had a very interesting dual interview with Howard Zinn, famous historian, and Thom Yorke, one of my heroes, the lead singer of Radiohead. unfortunately, i didn't read this whole thing... i got so excited i just posted it. hopefully it's not too offensive. if it is, blame it on Uncle Screwtape.

quote for today

...from an amazing book by an amazing prof at Boston College, Peter Kreeft. I'm sure some things that he writes will bug christians out there, but he's gone a long way toward confronting the academy by debate and imagination, much like C. S. Lewis did in the 1940s and '50s. I really like his Between Heaven and Hell, which is set up as a hypothetical conversation/debate between Lewis, Aldous Huxley--author of Brave New World and a penultimate philosopher of the same time period as Lewis--and JFK, meeting together in Limbo (the stark "Mobil Ave." in Matrix 3) after their deaths within hours of one another on November 22, 1963. This book of his that I'm reading now, Socrates Meets Jesus, is also written in dialogue form. And though I'm not far into the book, it still proves to be challenging and really fun to read. ----- Socrates (S): I don't understand, then. If you admit that [ancient] Athens is more beautiful than [modern Boston], Massachusetts, then why don't you build cities like Athens instead of cities like [Boston]? Have you forgotten the knowledge or lost the skill? Bertha Broadmind (B): No. S: Then why not? B: Because you can't just turn back the clock, Socrates. S: Of course you can. And should if it keeps bad time. As it seems your world is keeping. B: Very clever... S: No, it is not clever. I'm being simple and serious. Why not? It is not a rhetorical question; it was a plea for an answer. B: Because you can't turn back progress, of course. S: Oh yes, I had forgotten. Your juggernaut god is very demanding and very jealous. B: Progress is not a god. It serves us, we don't serve it. S: Is that so? Then has it made you happier? B: I guess...I don't know. S: Do you think you should? B: I guess so. S: Let's see whether we can improve your knowledge from a guess to a certainty by finding a proof. If a master is served by a slave, does the master expect to be made happier in some way by this service? B: Of course, otherwise he wouldn't have a slave. S: And Progress, you say, is your slave rather than your master? B: Yes S: The you must expect it to make you happier. B: That follows. S: The next thing to ask then is whether it has done that for you. Are people in your day happier than they were before Progress came? B: I don't know. S: If you don't know whether it has made you happier or not, then why do you choose it? B: I guess it does make us happier today. But I don't know how you can tell that. How can you compare two different cultures? S: By looking for clues. There seem to be many. For instance, is there less discontent expressed in your literature? Less political unrest and revolution, less restless change in the world? Fewer and smaller wars, fewer people changing their lives, their jobs, their homes, their wives or husbands out of discontent? Less mental disorder? Fewer crimes? Fewer rapes, child abuse, infanticide, abortion? Less fear of death for the individual and for the society? Less uncertainty about whether life is worth living? B: [sighs] No, Socrates, there's more. S: More of what? B: More of all of those things. S: More of ALL of those things? B: yes. S: Every one? B: Yes. S: One thing, then, at least, seems abundantly clear: people in your society are much less happy than people in mine. B: I guess I have to admit that. S: And you nevertheless still believe in Progress? B: Of course I do! S: What strong faith you have in your god! --Peter Kreeft. Socrates Meets Jesus (1987). pp. 24-26.

the music in my head is jnf's soundtrack

in my head right now: "Yoshimi..."--The Flaming Lips "Soft Bulletin"--The Flaming Lips [j, you're right about this one] "Give Up"--The Postal Service "truelovewaits"--Christopher O'Riley [radiohead on a classical piano! his version of 'Let Down' brings me close to tears.] "StationToStation"--Bowie "Room on Fire"--The Strokes "Starfish" --The Church ["wish i knew what you were looking for/might've known what you would find"] "Summer Sun"--Yo Lo Tengo "Live at Wembley"--The Who "Live from Columbus (8/21/2000)"--Pearl Jam "If God will send His angels (b-sides)"--U2 "Bay City Rollers"--Bay City Rollers "the Neverending Story (soundtrack)"--T'pau [just kidding.] plus that stupid "must have been love, but it's over now" that's been plaguing me for a week....

good comments

jnf commented on my LoR laments: "it's not like our mind is electric memory, where we overwrite all the old stuff every time we get new stuff." ... and that combined with the good reminder by mg: "to loosely quote, jon cusack in high fidelity 'these things matter...they really are important.'" ... leads to the following questions [great opportunity for further discussion--hint hint]: If these cultural memories or experiences are (a) important/influential and (b) cumulative rather than strictly substitutive/interchangeable [both of which seem to be true], then (a) do certain kinds of media "stick" more to our memories? (b) what level of control should we have over what media feeds into us (and by extension, our children)? (c) is amnesia a blessing or a curse? (d) is our concept of intelligence really just a function of memory? (e) is "mind" really just a bunch of synapses firing inside our skulls and if not, where is our mind? (f) is John Cusack really that hot in person? (g) why does Frodo only look like Elijah Wood in my head right now--i.e., why do certain images stick more than others? (h) what would you do for a klondike bar?

12.11.2003

quote for today

this comes from the ridiculously misunderstood work of Vernard Eller--in the vein of Jacques Ellul--called Christian Anarchy. Don't be like everyone else and reject it out of hand... uncle screwtape would be very pleased at that. instead, read it here. quote: "I propose, therefore, that the basic distinction between worldly politics and Christian politics lies in two assumptions that are fundamental to the worldly practice but absolutely rejected by the gospel. "In the first place, the exercise of worldly politics rests upon a quite unfounded confidence in the moral competency of human beings--and more particularly, upon a quite arrogant error in attributing categorical moral superiority to partisans of the one 'true' ideology over against those of anybody else. This proud claim extends not only to moral wisdom ('We know what is right as no one else does') but also to moral authority ('Because we are right, that justifies our use of propaganda, demonstration, boycott, and all such power tactics in imposing our 'right' upon those people we know to be wrong'). Worldly politics is built upon pretentious claims of moral superiority--of which the Christian gospel recognizes nary a one. "Second, it follows that a prime characteristic of worldly politics is its invariable forming of itself as 'adversarial contest.' There has to be a battle. One party, ideology, cause group, lobby, or power bloc which has designated itself as 'The Good, the True, and the Beautiful' sets out to overbear, overwhelm, overcome, overpower, or otherwise impose itself on whatever opposing parties think they deserve the title. And if this power contest among the morally pretentious is what is meant by being 'political,' then Eller and company are indeed happy to be called 'apolitical.' "We claim, however, that there is another form of politics--another form of action affecting the polis--that the gospel can fully approve. In this form, rather than one worldly party setting itself in moral judgment over all others, our political action would be submission to God's moral judgment upon everything and everyone human (which judgement, it is clear, falls firstly and foremostly upon God's very own partisans). Rather than taking sides, this politics would be nonpartisanly critical of all adversary contest and power play. It would be a politics intent on mediation and the reconciling of adversaries instead of supporting the triumph of one over another. It would be a political theology of liberation intent to liberate humanity from nothing so much as its enslavement to worldly politics." --Vernard Eller. From: "Before We Start" In: Christian Anarchy (1987). published by Eerdmans.

movies and seemingly contradictory phrases

i woke up with b at 5 this morning. usually, i try to hustle in to work... i love the novelty of being the only person somewhere at the beginning of a day. this morning i took my time and read like crazy. i had much time to think...too much time, maybe. and when having too much time, i often have conversations with myself. [don't have me committed, okay] today's conversation centered around movies--whether or not the Lord of the Rings trilogy will be my favorite movie(s) ever. i don't know why this is important...but there you are. up until the Matrix, Glory (with Denzel, Morgan Freeman, Matthew Broderick, and Cary Elwes) was the undisputed favorite. after i'd seen Matrix 2349081275 times, i think it began to dawn on me that there were significant pieces missing that were there in Glory. so Glory remains at the top. it has to be the most well-casted movie i've seen. and the ending is the best/worst thing ever. plus it came out in 1989, before all the Braveheart-esque flicks appeared, and that must mean it was innovative or something. but back to LoR. i did a book report on the Hobbit in 3rd grade. at a Baptist school. my parent's should have known better. and the paddling i received for bringing up the dangerous topics of dragons and wizards only spurred me on to read more of this "banned" Tolkien stuff. i found Fellowship when i was 11, Two Towers at 12, and then read the whole 1400-page, one-volume monstrosity cover-to-cover--including the appendices--over a five-day vacation when i was 13. i don't think i slept or ate the whole time. i was absolutely enthralled with Tolkien. i read the Silmarillion at 14, then the Lost Tales 1 and 2. and on and on. so i guess i'd have good reason to either love or hate the movies--which i do. probably for the same reason everyone else loves/hates them--they take the images in our heads and commit them to a particular director's interpretation. it will be next to impossible for me to envision the Balrog any other way than as a giant, flaming Red Bull with wings. i'll never be able to think of Saruman without thinking of Christopher Lee's spooky horror-movie voice. and--this is the part that actually does make me sad--i'll probably always remember Shelob's layer and Minas Morgul and the Saruman/Gandalf confrontation at Orthanc as being part of Return of the King. [at this point, all three of you that read this are probably thinking "get over it, Tolkien snob"--which is why i wanted to give you a little history of my obsession to begin with so you can share my pain] somehow this gallimaufry of thoughts settled on the term "adaptation" as in "these movies are an adaptation of Tolkien's work". what a freaking loaded term! as if by becoming placed on film, the written word adapts into new media where it transcends the barriers of having to be read and then interpreted through the brain of the reader. here are some other terms or axioms that trouble me because they seem almost--but not quite--contradictory when you really think about them. "this will hurt me more than it hurts you;" "closest facsimile;" "based on a true story;" "hippodrome;" "it must have been love, but it's over now;" "the bottom line is satisfaction for a job well-done;" "waste not, want not;" "please stand by;" "customer service;" "now with more great taste;" "luxury--because you deserve it;" "The Neverending Story Part 3;" "the Christmas rush;" "Christian pop superstar; "erik, you're a danger to yourself and others...put down that dynamite." anyone else have any?

12.10.2003

books and yammering away

TheOoze - Making Sense of Church: Chapter 1... ...is good medicine. Also in book-land: i read jcannell's copy of Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli last night. It's his, so i can't loan it out, but man, go get this book. Kind of reads like a more Gen X version of Ragamuffin Gospel. Like that book, there are parts that just seemed contextual more than universal truths, but really it seems very valuable for pounding down my walls of perfectionism, etc. Here's a good quote: "There is no room for pretending in the spiritual life. Unfortunately, in many religious circles, there exists an unwritten rule. Pretend. Act like God is in control when you don't believe that he is. Give the impression everything is okay in your life when it's not. Pretend you believe when you doubt; hide your imperfections; maintain the image of a perfect marriage whith healthy and well-adjusted children when your family is like any other normal dysfunctional family. And whatever you do, don't admit that you sin.... "When you and I stop pretending, we expose the pretending of everyone else. the bubble of the perfect Christian life is burst, and we all must face the reality of our brokenness." --Mike Yaconelli. Messy Spirituality (2002). pp. 26-27. _______________________ and to those of you who are sick of me carrying on about small church/community/home groups, etc.: grace and peace. please stand by. when it comes down to it, i think that the whole making disciples of all nations thing by being a servant to all is at the crux [no pun intended] of every issue. i don't know about you, but i find it extremely hard to follow Jesus. i don't do it very well. i can't even pretend to have it together very well. i can't seem to figure out models or implementation even though i think about that stuff all the time. and i can't get around that whole Matthew 23: 8-12 thing about leadership, servanthood, and humility: 8)"But you are not to be called 'Rabbi,' for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. 9)And do not call anyone on earth 'father,' for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. 10)Nor are you to be called 'teacher,' for you have one Teacher, the Christ.[1] 11)The greatest among you will be your servant. 12)For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. we so don't take this scripture seriously enough.... that whole "priesthood of all believers" thing is too challenging. it seems even more difficult to help others by being their servant than it does to feel like i fit in to a particular church or movement myself. but i can't escape that call. so it's like being caught on the terrible horns of a dilemma: i can't follow Christ very well myself and yet i'm called to help others become his disciples as well--disciples that make disciples. this calls for a level of self-denial and others-focus that i don't feel like i have yet...and maybe never will. so how do i/we go on with this dilemma/paradox/contradiction always bearing down on me/us? i don't know...but to me it must have to happen in the context of relationships with other believers who are also caught in this dilemma--what Jacques Ellul called the "agonistic" relationship of the believer with the world. for me, large groups are relatively impersonal and difficult for shy-guys like myself get beyond the "pretend" phase of relationships (see above). perhaps it is a personal failing, but i feel like for me to try to resolve or redeem (to use a Brad-ism) this paradox, i've got to be amongst a small group of people--25 or 30 at most, my brain can't handle more than that--who are also willing to chuck the whole pretend-relationship thing. may God bless the heck out of those of you who can pass through this pretend barrier in the context of solely connecting with other christians in a big gathering. i can't. and if that is the substance of my christian relationships, i will flounder and exist only as a Fake Plastic Christian. for me, i'd rather have the messy christianity stuff with it's ups and downs than the cozy plastic variety. but i can only speak for me.

quote for today

this comes from a great Lewis quotes page. it's now part of the perm links to the left. "An open mind, in questions that are not ultimate, is useful. But an open mind about the ultimate foundations either of Theoretical or of Practical Reason is idiocy." --C. S. Lewis. The Abolition of Man

origins of christmas

around here, we often ask the question "Why did Jesus have to be born during Christmas break?" Now we have a reliable answer. [if you're saying "huh?" you're not the only one...]

there

john finally posted it. read it and bleep, hal lindsey!

12.09.2003

Vineyard Central | Resources

for those of you looking for more info on house churches done cinci-vineyard style (which i personally admire): Vineyard Central Guidebook

speaking of music

when the neds-foxes were in town, we had a conversation wherein the following scenario came up: if you received $20 and had no other claims on the money (like bills or taxes or diapers or something), how would you spend it? j answered unequivocally, "music"--as I did, "books." iTunes music store, Radiohead, and my new of-the-moment obsession--The Flaming Lips--has changed that for today. 01. Fight Test I thought I was smart - I thought I was right I thought it better not to fight - I thought there was a Virtue in always being cool - so when it came time to Fight I thought I'll just step aside and that time would Prove you wrong and that you would be the fool - I don't know where the sun beams end and the star Light begins it's all a mystery Oh to fight is to defend if it's not Now than tell me when would be the time that you would stand up And be a man - for to lose I could accept but to surrender I just wet and regretted this moment - oh that I - I Was the fool I don't know where the sun beams end and the star Light begins it's all a mystery And I don't know how a man decides what right for his Own life - it's all a mystery Cause I'm a man not a boy and there are things You can't avoid you have to face them when you're not prepared To face them - If I could I would but you're with him now it'd do no good I should have fought him but instead I let him - I let Him take it - I don't know where the sun beams end and the star Light begins it's all a mystery And I don't know how a man decides what right for his Own life - it's all a mystery

i'd like to introduce you to...

our sunday morning community rocks my face off. it's amazing how God can take 15 to 20 people who individually are just regular, non-superstar christians and then we come together like Voltron on sundays. you get all kinds of under the surface gifts. a lot of Love. not the cheezy kind, the real stuff. one of the people who i've been blessed to meet has a blog focusing on metal (the style of music, not the element). the funny thing is, much like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is more about life than the premises of zen, Iron Flight is more about life than metal. in any case, you should check it out. scott is the man and i'm blessed to have him in my life. partly because he's the only other reformed ASC archaeologist i know :-)

shorter than usual quote for today

background--Homer screws up (again) and decides to buy back Lisa's love: Homer: I know! I'll buy her that pony she's always bugging me for. Marge: We can't afford to buy a pony. Homer: Marge, with today's gasoline prices, we can't afford not to buy a pony. Marge: You sound like you're going to buy a pony. Promise me you won't. Homer: Mm. Marge: What was that? Was that a yes or a no? Homer: Buh! Marge: Those aren't even words! Homer: Snuh! Marge: grrrrrrr [turns off light] Homer: [grins in darkness] --from "The Simpsons"--Lisa's Pony episode 11/7/1991

12.08.2003

run

they're coming.

quote for today

lots of pre-christmas stuff. i'm actually "in the christmas spirit" this year...which probably means i'm gonna buy a lot of stuff and hang it on other living things that are green and then burn some wood and make gingerbread guys and burn them and carve some pumpkins around the tree and wear slippers and watch those TV shows that have the SPECIAL sign before them and spin around. man, i miss those days when erin and i would wait all week for that little spinny sign and then the claymation rudolph and frosty....man. but i digress. __________ Waiting for God Henri Nouwen "Waiting is not a very popular attitude. Waiting is not something that people think about with great sympathy. In fact, most people consider waiting a waste of time. Perhaps this is because the culture in which we live is basically saying, 'Get going! Do something! Show you are able to make a difference! Don't just sit there and wait!' For many people, waiting is an awful desert between where they are and where they want to go. And people do not like such a place. They want to get out of it by doing something. "In our particular historical situation, waiting is even more difficult because we are so fearful. One of the most pervasive emotions in the atmosphere around us is fear. People are afraid--afraid of inner feelings, afraid of other people, and also afraid of the future. Fearful people have a hard time waiting, because when we are afraid we want to get away from where we are. But if we cannot flee, we may fight instead. Many of our destructive acts come from the fear that something harmful will be done to us...Here are the roots of a 'first strike' approach to others. The more afraid we are the harder waiting becomes." --read the rest of the article

pseudo-christian scam of the day

john is going to post his own eye-opening hyper-real biblical prophecies from the past later. this is not intended to trump the goodness he unearthed. i just wanted to add to the discussion(?) while drawing from my own area of exposure/expertise/traning/whatever--archaeology. so there's this guy, Ron Wyatt. he died in 1999. but before he died, he established this museum. Wyatt claimed to have found, among other things, Noah's Ark, stuff from Sodom and Gomorrah, and the Ark of the Covenant. He also was able to raise a significant amount of $$$ doing so...raising the hackles of a few people and the general attention of the credulous christian subculture. read critiques of Wyatt here and here. wait...did Jesus say be as wise as doves and innocent as serpents? vice versa? ________ You have reached the official blog of all information concerning the discoveries of Ron Wyatt: presented by e, President of Wyatt Archaeological Research Sike, and subject to the unanimous approval of the Board of Directors--or just some guy with a shovel and an Indiana Jones hat on.

a little tea in your day

jcannell brightened my day by reminding me of the best tea site in the world. check out Adagio. they're nice. they're helpful. their tea rocks. they don't prey off of developing countries. if you're looking to get me something for christmas [wink wink], i'm going to try to start making my own blend of chai using their ceylon waltz tea. if and when i perfect the recipe, i'll post it here for all to love!

12.05.2003

yikes. this is becoming journalrific.

not that there's anything wrong with that. it's just the domination of the airwaves thing i fear. ***warning! journaling ahead! very unformed, raw thoughts! graaaaahhhhh!*** this week has been hard. there's nothing that really created that hardness. it has nothing to do with the lack of daylight or temperature--as b can attest, i'd rather have it dark 16 hours a day and a balmy 45 degrees year-round (if there was no rain and the skies were also that great blue that only crisp late fall/winter days can create). it's more that since my dad died around christmas (almost 8 years ago?!?), i get really down at this time of the year. [mom--if you're reading this, don't call a shrink...i'll be fine, really.] his passing was, to put it mildly, dramatic. and like an especially huge star can create a black hole when it collapses, i've been able to see my life in relief--almost a negative image--of his. usually at this point in the story, many of my very nice friends will ask if they can pray for me. i usually say yes. of course the prayer will make it better. and long term, God is the only one who can sew me up. but i think there's a reason that we gain scars over our lives--there must be some bit of wisdom or passion or street-smarts that we gain from being cut. and the deeper the cut, supposedly, the deeper the wisdom, etc. we gain, if we let God redeem that hurt. so whether it was because of my upbringing, my relationship with my dad, with the church, whatever, i feel like i have accumulated a fair amount of scars, some very, very deep. and along with the healing that needs to be done. i feel like i can speak out of that place of loneliness and loss toward something better. so this week, when i feel it more acutely than normal, i am reminded that jesus came to seek and to save that which was lost. all around us there are lost people. not lost as in "going to hell." of course, there are those people too. but even in christian circles, there are lost people. people that have not really been connected. people who feel like they don't have any friends. or they do have friends but those friends are very superficial. and they begin to operate out of a place of distraction instead of learning what it means to invest in others to get through the loneliness. they may watch a lot of TV or play many video games. they may get into destructive habits like drugs or illicit sex or whatever. or just krav maga (sorry...just had to include that somewhere :-) ). it seems like the amount of money or resources those people have or can get just doesn't satisfy them. even more unfortunately, they often are right in the thick of church stuff--leading, attending a service faithfully, etc.--but no one reaches out to them. they attend something week after week. people think highly of them. but no one really knows them. they drift through life doing the christian thing but without ever growing any roots. those are the lost i see jesus interacting with in the bible--the lepers, the blind, dudes begging out on the corners, the widows, the fatherless child, the shepherds keeping their flocks by night, the young rich ruler. these are the sick. he's the doctor to those sick. consequently, to me, making disciples of all nations means finding people and plugging them in; getting them together with small groups--christian families--and going deep with fewer people. that going shallow with lots of people thing doesn't seem to really create life-long followers of jesus. but that's just my opinion. so why is this week hard besides all the dad stuff? i guess because people don't really want to become disciples. they want someone else to do the hard work for them. they want to be told what to believe. they want someone else to read the books and have the conversations and then deliver the stories to them. they don't want to have to do anything about their lives--as long as they believe the right things that's enough for them. and i worry about the fact that i wasn't "sent out" by anyone else who was themselves "sent out." that we are instead doing things "on our own." and that it takes so long to get buy-in that i'm never sure if anyone is really paying attention. and that we are doing something wrong because it has become a church of its own--but only according to other small church planting people and books and not according to any sort of denominational statement on what makes a church. which, in the end means that we don't have partners. we have those that we are attempting to lead and those that wish to lead us or are leading something else on their own. but the whole common vision, common direction thing...i'm not sure we have that. don't get me wrong, i love what happens on sunday mornings at whatever house we happen to be meeting that. and if i was a less introspective or worried individual, i'd probably think "this is everything we need." in fact, i remember a certain palmer saying to me: "make disciples. none of the other hierarchy and denomination stuff matters in the end." and if this was my wife instead of me writing this, she'd undoubtedly tell you that this is the best place we've been in since college...that people are knocking and having the door opened, seeking and then finding. that really-real community is being developed, not just a clique amongst the cool people or a leadership team or whatever. i guess i'd just like someone to say "well done. the christians of your past who you look up to approve of what you're doing." and then someone else to say "whoa, that's amazing--i had that same vision and was just waiting for someone to come along and partner with me/us" and not "this doesn't seem to fit in with _____ model of church." i'm sure that someone out there's going to say: "wow, he's really having father-approval issues, maybe i can pray for him." instead, i guess i'd like you to say "it seems like you're traveling down the right path...how can we partner together to find and comfort and plug-in the lost--both christian and not?" [then in the back of my mind there's the whole issue that everything now is pretty dang good and yet i'm toying pretty seriously with the idea of dropping it all to saunter off to grad school to finish my doctorate and try to become a prof. instead of sticking with my community and giving all that ph.d. stuff up. or as clarence peterson [no relation] from happy gilmore once said--before falling out of a window--"Hockey? Son, you're gonna give that shit up and focus on golf."] sorry for opening up the dark gates of my mind for a while. yikes. close 'em quickly!!!

quote for today

sorry about falling behind. here's a quote from richard foster's celebration of discipline (which we're going through as a home group right now). this week, we're covering the chapter on submission. as always, foster, seems to come at it from a very sincere angle--not trying to convince anyone that he has some intellectual new-ground to cover, but focusing on the practice of the particular discipline. there's so much meaty stuff here...i wish i could quote the whole thing. but you're better off buying the book and/or study guides and going through them yourself. ______ "The biblical teaching on submission focuses primarily on the spirit with which we view other people. Scripture does not attempt to set forth a series of hierarchical relationships but to communicate to us an inner attitude of mutual subordination. ... Outwardly we can do what people ask and inwardly be in rebellion against them. This concern for a spirit of consideration toward others pervades the entire NT. The old covenant stipulated that we must not murder. Jesus, however, stressed that the real issue was the inner spirit of murder with which we view people. In the matter of submission the same is true; the real issue is the spirit of consideration and respect we have for each other. "In submission we are at last free to value other people. Their dreams and plans become important to us. We have entered into a new, wonderful, glorious freedom--the freedom to give up our own rights for the good of others. For the first time we can love people unconditionally. We have given up the right to demand that they return our love. No longer do we feel that we have to be treated in a certain way. We rejoice in their successes. We feel genuine sorrow in their failures. It is of little consequence that our plans are frustrated if their plans succeed. We discover that it is far better to serve our neighbor than to have our own way. "Do you know the liberation that comes from giving up your rights? It means you are set free from the seething anger and bitterness you feel when someone doesn't act toward you the way you think they should. It means that at last you are able to break that vicious law of commerce that says, 'You scratch my back, I'll scratch your back; you bloody my nose, I'll bloody your nose.' It means you are free to obey Jesus' command, 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you' (Matt. 5:44). It means that for the first time you understand how it is possible to surrender the right to retaliate: 'If any one strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also' (Matt. 5:39)." --Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline (1978, rev. 1988). pp. 112-113.

12.03.2003

you da man

so that this is public knowledge: for two years, b and i were are part of an amazing home group called bread & fish. josh&zena neds-fox were the leaders--both in name and in eldership. much of what is going on in our home group/church now is a direct result of their encouragement, teaching, challenging, and--most of all--their very lifestyle. i think i can honestly say that without the example they set that what is going on here now wouldn't be happening...or at least we wouldn't be a part of it. plus they were and still are great friends--some of our best in this phase of our lives. so--chin up j.n-f! you were faithful in small things and the seeds you sowed are now just barely starting to poke their little green heads above the soil. they ain't stalks of corn yet. but without you doing and being who you were, this wouldn't exist. we miss you and z terribly. we wish you could be a part of this. you would make it better than it is. but don't feel down. we owe much of this directly to you. thank you.

lest i freak some out

notes of clarification on the bruderhof issue--just to be sure that i haven't said or implied anything i didn't mean to. 1) I'm not advocating the Bruderhof or another community like the bruderhof as the one true path of Christianity, Christians, etc. to judge all others by. The methods employed to create and sustain the community of the Bruderhof could be (are?) suspect. Authoritarianism is a real problem in any group as cloistered as they are--just look at the lineage of medieval monastic movements and the tendency for very real religious fervor to turn into domination and oppression. Healthy, Christlike submission and unhealthy, devilish submission are totally different spiritual conditions that unfortunately appear to be quite similar in their superficial expression--the way that any sinful twisting of a good thing does (love vs. lust, thriftiness vs. ungenerosity, enjoying God's gifts vs. materialsm, etc.). If the structure of authoritarianism is unchecked, any community--no matter the original intent of the founder(s)--will skew. So, again, I'm not advocating the Bruderhof or that model of community per se. 2) What I believe the quote I posted yesterday points to is not the model/structure of Bruderhof or Christian socialism. Instead, it addresses several symptoms of the human social condition that Christ himself indicted--greed, self-reliance (vs. God-reliance), and outward religiosity without internal change (the white-washed tombs of the Pharisees). The example of the early church in Acts 2 and 4 (whether or not Acts is seen as didactic or narrative--arguably some of both) clearly points toward a reorganization of community--a different style of relationships--that radically challenged the dominant Hellenistic culture at the time. The original disciples stood as a "light upon a hill" because of their relationships based on the belief that Jesus of Nazareth instigated a new reality for his followers and that by living out his teachings--by being little-Christs--they could change the world. As this article pointed out, these followers of the Way were significantly different than their neighbors who were not also followers. They represented a threat not only to the Jewish hegemony in Jerusalem, Damascus, etc., but even to the Greeks in Athens, the Corinthians, the Ephesians, and the Romans. What I'm interested in learning more about is why these believers were so different. What did they do that caused them to be regarded as a civil danger? How were their relationships distinct from those in societies around them? 3) By extension: how should Christians today follow the model of our Master and his first disciples? Are we also called to relationships that challenge our society--not because they challenge society but because we're doing what God wants and that very act challenges society? If we are meant to be somehow set apart/called out from our surroundings, what does that look like? How should we reorient our money, our time, our priorities, our architecture, our careers, our clothing and hairstyles to reflect our change of spiritual condition from Lost to Found? (Note that I'm not making the argument that we should have a uniquely Christian brand of clothing or hairstyles, economics, cars, houses--rather that all of these things need to be placed into the palm of God's hand and should be regarded in accord with our relationship with him.) So, to sum up, it seems like Bruderhof has accurately identified Jesus' assessment of the symptoms of the human condition, but has not necessarily prescribed a helpful treatment of the symptoms. What is a better treatment and how can we help it come about in our own contexts? Or in my case, in the context of our small church/home group? Does it mean treating our money/time/language/living conditions differently than we have been?

12.02.2003

good counterpoint on the whole bruderhof thing

john sent a very apropos link to a book about the negative aspects of the bruderhof (and by extention any very cloistered authoritarian community) called The Other Side of Joy: Religious Melancholy Among the Bruderhof. Interestingly, a posted review on this website challenges the applicability or universiality of the book's central premise. Read the whole thing, but here is a good clip: "Rubin suggests that the Bruderhof are liable for "Anfechtung" (feelings of sinful alienation from God) amongst its members. Rubin suggests that the very structure of the group: (sharing goods in common, constant introspection regarding one's relationship with God under the supervision of a "shepherd", along with a severe rigidity concerning human sexuality) is at the heart of a condition, the "Bruderhof Syndrome", which is marked by severe alienation, depression, and loss of self esteem. "But he does not adequately support this conclusion. First, the book is limited by its choice of historical context. Few of the examples presented have occurred since the late '70's. Rubin further undercuts his argument from history by admitting that the group has evolved away from pietism and toward an ecumenical approach to social activism. By Rubin's own admission, the Bruderhof today are not the same introversionist sect which provide the context of his study. Its fair to suggest that many of the factors contributing to the "Bruderhof Syndrome" may have been mitigated. Second, he does not provide analysis of the incidence and type of neurosis in the Bruderhof. His brief chapter on the other Anabaptist groups contain more of this sort of information as regards the Hutterites, the Mennonites, and the Amish, then the book as a whole does when addressing the Bruderhof."

running commentary and a quote for today

1) Thank you to joshua for defining this site as a "communication experiment." Hopefully it will live up to that lofty categorization :-) I do want to emphasize that sometimes we have really thoughtful things to say based on our experiences or these cultural artifacts around us that we're reading or listening to. Often a little word of interpretation or clarification or personal application is the most helpful/insightful/enlightening treatment of the material. That being said, this blog is simply not intended a journal of my thoughts; there are far too many other voices out there saying valid things that we should listen to and not just add our own static to the mix. Think about how different the world would be if there was less commentary and more practicing the things we've learned. But the world is never that clear and sometimes only through "talking it out" can we get to a plain of clarity where the "doing" flows naturally out of the "thinking and believing." This blog can be--and I would argue has been--a forum for "talking it out" in a context of cyber-community. Rarely do we just accept something whole and in undigested format and make it a stalwart practice in our lives. Hopefully here is a place where we can chew on and digest the ideas floating around out there, spout out our interpretation of them for others to chip away at, and get to a place where we own the idea enough to believe it--then believe it enough to do something about it. 2) the home group/church that meets here in Clintonville rocks! Brd got a chance to witness it "in action" at ABC/CMC's house last Sunday. I love the way that God is orchestrating the gifts of so many different people together for the purpose of mutual challenge and encouragement. I love watching people be obedient to his call--to putting together a "family" of sisters and brothers who are seeking their Creator together. Every week I'm so incredibly thankful for the distance we've traveled together so far and so sad about the thought that it will be coming to an end eventually. 3) About a week ago, I met with some people from the Bruderhof and talked very briefly about what they do and what their vision is for the future of their organization, for the kingdom of God as they see it being played out in America, etc. I felt so challenged about their decision to live in an intentional community. I wondered what that means for b and me, for our wee bairn, for the weekly home group/church. How much community is "too much?" Was Jesus a dreamer, an idealist, an unrealistic person (a condescending names I've been called) simply for making the statements he did and following them with incredible actions? I mean, I know that he was the Son of God, but in the concept of homoousia, as both human flesh and very God, did he know that what he was asking of people was impossible and yet he knew that the Father would come through, doing the impossible? I guess what I'm asking is: is idealism contrary to Christian faith or an essential part? And if it's essential, why is "idealist" used as a negative term of someone who sees the situation as it currently is and then strives to change it? 4) In the midst of these idealistic feelings, I came across this article by and about the Bruderhof. I felt a crazy stirring. Is this what all Christians should be aspiring to? Is it what we--meaning you and me--should be aspiring to? Is this the "ideal" to which our home group/church should be driving itself? Below, I've posted the section that hit me the hardest. What are your reactions (other than, "Erik, you damned idealist!")? [here you go world, that precious insight into my agonistic relationship with the world and the church.] When I hear Jesus' manifesto, especially in the Sermon on the Mount, I understand it to mean that everything needs to be reconstituted: relationships, systems, values, character†the whole nine yards. It's a seamless revolution. God's transformation involves a radical reversal, one that confronts the root causes of greed and injustice, impurity and violence, both in ourselves and in the world. Isn't this the ultimate protest against war? This is why God's way of changing the world is ultimately through apeople who build life together on a different foundation. The good news is not that Jesus can make nations or individuals "better," but that he transforms those aspects of life that seem to have a momentum all their own, as they so often do in politics and business. The good news is this: Through the power of the Spirit a corporate work of transformation can occur, one that reverses the effects of what is at root rotten in our world. A different social reality, one woven together by a diverse number of strands, is born. In Acts chapters 2 and 4 we read how the Spirit gave birth to a totally different kind of society. The apostles' message was clear: Repent; escape from this wicked generation and be baptized; come join God's new thing; be a part of God's promise and power on earth. With the outpouring of God's Spirit came a new kind of life. God's people were endowed with powers that affected the very structures of being-together. The first Christians were converted into a new world, one marked by a love that erupted into total sharing and reckless caring. This world took the pagan world by surprise, turning everything upside down. The desire to protest violence and injustice is good, but it means very little unless our live embody God's new order. And this "otherness," as Stanley Hauerwas reminds us, is precisely what helps this violent world to know that it is violent. In other words, people of faith are marked not so much by their strategies to change the world but by their unique life, both personally and together. It is this life that helps the world see redemption at work. Such a life "stands out," is "set apart," and by its very nature exposes the darkness. Sharing life together in a distinct and different way makes a difference simply by being what it is: a subversive reality†a community that resists the fallen order at every point.? When this happens, when people are faithful to being peace and justicetogether, they will find themselves at odds with the assumptions of this world, and many will not like them. In Ephesus the message of the gospel led many to make a total break from their former lives. This had both spiritual and economic consequences.? In one case, Demetrius, a silversmith, convinced the city's craftsmen that the Way was a threat to their business (which it was). They formed a mob, and Paul had to flee the city (Acts 19). I believe now, more than ever, that being a part of a contrast-community, building a life that nurtures peace, is our only hope of ending war. True, there are many ways to effect peace in the world besides living in a community. But imagine what kind of resistance could be formed if we would cease to run our lives on the basis of career or income or certain standards of living that involve treating the rest of the world as one giant fuel pump? What if instead we spent our energies and resources building up a common life that needed less and gave more? What would happen if in sharing life together we did away with the usual distinctions that keep people apart and at odds with one another? What if we actually disengaged ourselves from the driving values of material security, professional achievement and social recognition along with the lifestyle that reinforces them to create a genuinely alternative existence? John Stott once wrote, "No comment could be more hurtful to the Christian than the words, 'But you are no different from anybody else.'" We are called to be different, to be a new world, as Jesus prayed, marked by divine unity and love, precisely because this provides the ultimate protest against all that is wrong in the world, including war. This kind of protest demands a great deal more than a weekend march for peace. It spells the end of life as usual. In fact, it transcends every "usual" norm dictated by society and those in power. And it does so because it grows out of a vision for peace that is practiced in the trenches of every day life.

Sprezzatura

brdfd, thank you for introducing me to a new concept--the idea of sprezzatura. it's interesting to think how sprezzatura compares to the idea of grace. we've certainly changed the concept of grace over the centuries. i wonder if an understanding of sprezzatura--though admittedly an art term--would help revitalize our theological understandings of grace.

12.01.2003

advent readings

if you want to stay current with advent scripture readings, check out the chart.

why Uncle Screwtape is so friggin convincing...

"The archetypal demon of Japanese folklore had always had two faces, being not only a destructive presence but also a potentially protective and tutelary being." --John W. Dower, War Without Mercy This statement rings so very true...not just of Japanese demons....

quote for today

check out this articleThe Dangers of Advent by Bible translator (one of the best, IMHO) J. B. Phillips Here's a selection: "The particular danger which faces us as Christmas approaches is unlikely to be contempt for the sacred season, but nevertheless our familiarity with it may easily produce in us a kind of indifference. The true wonder and mystery may leave us unmoved; familiarity may easily blind us to the shining fact that lies at the heart of Christmastide. We are all aware of the commercialization of Christmas; we can hardly help being involved in the frantic business of buying and sending gifts and cards. We shall without doubt enjoy the carols, the decorations, the feasting and jollification, the presents, the parties, the dancing and the general atmosphere of goodwill that almost magically permeates the days of Christmas. But we may not always see clearly that so much decoration and celebration has been heaped upon the festival that the historic fact upon which all the rejoicing is founded has been almost smothered out of existence. What we are in fact celebrating is the awe-inspiring humility of God, and no amount of familiarity with the trappings of Christmas should ever blind us to its quiet but explosive significance. For Christians believe that so great is God’s love and concern for humanity that he himself became a man. Amid the sparkle and the color and music of the day’s celebration we do well to remember that God’s insertion of himself into human history was achieved with an almost frightening quietness and humility. There was no advertisement, no publicity, no special privilege; in fact the entry of God into his own world was almost heartbreakingly humble. In sober fact there is little romance or beauty in the thought of a young woman looking desperately for a place where she could give birth to her first baby. I do not think for a moment that Mary complained, but it is a bitter commentary upon the world that no one would give up a bed for the pregnant woman—and that the Son of God must be born in a stable."