books and yammering away

TheOoze - Making Sense of Church: Chapter 1... ...is good medicine. Also in book-land: i read jcannell's copy of Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli last night. It's his, so i can't loan it out, but man, go get this book. Kind of reads like a more Gen X version of Ragamuffin Gospel. Like that book, there are parts that just seemed contextual more than universal truths, but really it seems very valuable for pounding down my walls of perfectionism, etc. Here's a good quote: "There is no room for pretending in the spiritual life. Unfortunately, in many religious circles, there exists an unwritten rule. Pretend. Act like God is in control when you don't believe that he is. Give the impression everything is okay in your life when it's not. Pretend you believe when you doubt; hide your imperfections; maintain the image of a perfect marriage whith healthy and well-adjusted children when your family is like any other normal dysfunctional family. And whatever you do, don't admit that you sin.... "When you and I stop pretending, we expose the pretending of everyone else. the bubble of the perfect Christian life is burst, and we all must face the reality of our brokenness." --Mike Yaconelli. Messy Spirituality (2002). pp. 26-27. _______________________ and to those of you who are sick of me carrying on about small church/community/home groups, etc.: grace and peace. please stand by. when it comes down to it, i think that the whole making disciples of all nations thing by being a servant to all is at the crux [no pun intended] of every issue. i don't know about you, but i find it extremely hard to follow Jesus. i don't do it very well. i can't even pretend to have it together very well. i can't seem to figure out models or implementation even though i think about that stuff all the time. and i can't get around that whole Matthew 23: 8-12 thing about leadership, servanthood, and humility: 8)"But you are not to be called 'Rabbi,' for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. 9)And do not call anyone on earth 'father,' for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. 10)Nor are you to be called 'teacher,' for you have one Teacher, the Christ.[1] 11)The greatest among you will be your servant. 12)For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. we so don't take this scripture seriously enough.... that whole "priesthood of all believers" thing is too challenging. it seems even more difficult to help others by being their servant than it does to feel like i fit in to a particular church or movement myself. but i can't escape that call. so it's like being caught on the terrible horns of a dilemma: i can't follow Christ very well myself and yet i'm called to help others become his disciples as well--disciples that make disciples. this calls for a level of self-denial and others-focus that i don't feel like i have yet...and maybe never will. so how do i/we go on with this dilemma/paradox/contradiction always bearing down on me/us? i don't know...but to me it must have to happen in the context of relationships with other believers who are also caught in this dilemma--what Jacques Ellul called the "agonistic" relationship of the believer with the world. for me, large groups are relatively impersonal and difficult for shy-guys like myself get beyond the "pretend" phase of relationships (see above). perhaps it is a personal failing, but i feel like for me to try to resolve or redeem (to use a Brad-ism) this paradox, i've got to be amongst a small group of people--25 or 30 at most, my brain can't handle more than that--who are also willing to chuck the whole pretend-relationship thing. may God bless the heck out of those of you who can pass through this pretend barrier in the context of solely connecting with other christians in a big gathering. i can't. and if that is the substance of my christian relationships, i will flounder and exist only as a Fake Plastic Christian. for me, i'd rather have the messy christianity stuff with it's ups and downs than the cozy plastic variety. but i can only speak for me.