why irony?

The world seems to stand in greatest relief with me when some ironic event happens. Then something that before was hidden in shadow suddenly has a surface I can almost make out. That really didn't come out the way i wanted to. Anyway, I'm stuck at home right now, waiting for two guys to finish installing a window that should have been installed about 4 months ago. I should be at element. I should be taking phone calls. I should be harassing luke. But I'm here on my PC at home instead...feeling guilty. I feel guilty because I'm at home. The irony stems from this guilt. See, I talked for about 15 minutes with a friend of mine last night on the phone about expectations and guilt and how if no one is "making you feel guilty," which is sort of a deceptive phrase anyway, and you aren't actually doing anything wrong, you shouldn't walk around with guilt. For me, and him I think, it can be debilitating and ultimately will drive us into more alone-ness as we don't want to face people when we feel guilty about something. The dumb thing is that I'm not really doing anything wrong, I'm just not at work. But this feeling of "I should be at work" is keeping me from doing anything fun. Instead, I'm spackling holes and cracks in our walls--which does need to be done badly. But it's not fun in the least. Even sitting down to type on the blog seems somehow bad. Oh well. And in retrospect, I should have gone with Jeff and John to the FOTV homeless thing last night. Guilt. The meeting that I was supposed to have got cancelled too late to go to FOTV, but there's this "shoulda done something useful instead of just hanging out with b" feeling. Guilt sucks.