T-minus two months

i think my fears of fatherhood were more focused on the...let's just say uninspiring...fathering i received. since then i've had loads of prayer and encouragement and other fathers and fathers-to-be sharing their own stories of growing up in a household full of fear instead of laughter. if you've been one of the encouragers, thank you sincerely. i think i've turned a corner in this struggle and instead am terrified of something else entirely: diapers. that and shrieking for no reason. oh yeah and a penchant for smashing precious things. is that normal to be terrified of these things? and another question: cloth or disposable? i now know that depression, suicidal tendencies, manic-depressiveness, bipolar disorder, etc. run in the family. i thought it was just my dad and myself, but now i know it's beyond only the males in the fam. so, parents out there: how do you deal with depression and other mental stuff when you have kids? is it better to get on medicine so your children don't have to suffer the effects of "dad feels sad today?"