this is a test of the emergency baby broadcast system

this is only a test. if the baby had actually arrived, the announcement you just heard would have been followed by instructions provided by the emergency management team of central ohio. in the event of such an emergency, please seek shelter in a basement or another low lying area immediately. you should not pass go. you should not collect $200. you may not tell us that you dislike the baby's name, gender, or overall appearance. you may act surprised at the baby's striking beauty. you may comment on the lifeless sterility of the hospital room. you may congratulate the mother of the baby. you may offer the father of the baby a freshly-poured guinness. you may babysit while the mother and father attempt to sleep. you may assist in around-the-house projects of the mother and father while they ready the house for sale and eventual departure to another state. you may offer sympathy that the other state happens to be indiana. you may not light up your cigar in the hospital. this is only a test.


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