conjunction, junction...what's your major malfunction?

that's right folks, it's conjunctivitis for me...better known as pink eye. it's about the most humiliating sickness i can think of, aside from the gout or syphilis. or tourette's. here i am, a (mostly) grown man, with an illness that afflicts four year olds that don't wash their hands. i kept telling the nurse there must be some mistake. herpes...sure. pregnant...uh...perhaps. but pink eye? all kidding aside, this sucks more than the last time i had it--over a decade ago, as far as i can remember. i can't see so good. can't drive. reading is pretty difficult. and going out in public is out of the question. i am not permitted to give my daughter a hug or really even look anyone in the eye. i am a pariah. b keeps making me yell 'unclean' when i decide to move about the house. the only good thing, if there is such a thing in this state, is that i can lay down all day for no good reason and my cats can lick my eyes to clean out the ooze. just kidding. that's hideous. i did get to go to the zoo on my "day off." i wasn't allowed to touch anything and the animals all looked like blurs of different hues. but still, it was great seeing greta gawk at things that i wouldn't have even noticed. like cigarette butts. monkey's pooping. geese that she can see anywhere else. but since we have a membership, we figured it's okay that she isn't paying attention to the exotic and mostly endangered animals that may be extinct by the time she's old enough to know better. the south bend zoo is...well...its a place for animals to hang out and wonder, as i did when i first really got my bearings here, what the hell am i doing in indiana instead of where i'm originally from? it's more of an existential question, really. i'm not sure there is an answer. it's more about just posing the question and then getting therapy. anyway, i'm putting some antibiotic goo in my eyes to combat the other goo that's already there. then i'm going to sleep. hopefully i'll be able to open my eyes in the morning. and hopefully the cats won't lick me in my sleep. i fear these things.


Blogger John McCollum said...

"the only good thing, if there is such a thing in this state, is that i can lay down all day for no good reason and my cats can lick my eyes to clean out the ooze."

Cats also like diharreah. (which is almost as much fun to try to spell as it is to have)

At any rate, I'm sorry to hear about your pinkeye. Sounds ridiculously frustrating. Hope you get a chance to relax.

Take a warm, bubbly bath and open a nice bottle of wine. Drink half the bottle, and pour the other half in your eye.

4/19/2005 5:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Sorry to hear about your misfortune. Did you get it from the racoons that are causing trouble on Marquette st? have the simpson's ever used pink eye in a skit?

Homer: "Flanders, why is your eye pink?

Flander: "I have pink eye piddly-poo neighbor-ooo"

but anyway, there is a cool blog entry that made me think of your creativity. it is someone who tood a microwave and used it as the pc box and monitor screen...


anyway, hope that you, b, greta and hartman are all well. in an unrelated note, there is an 85" tall pitcher on your baseball team i think


4/19/2005 5:59 AM  
Blogger e said...

john--tried the wine thing. searing pain and that's about it.

matt--i think indeed the simpsons did use eye-infection as a gag. and that computer-microwave thing is hilarious!
very good ned flanders impression.

4/19/2005 10:29 AM  
Blogger Joshua said...

zoo membership. coolest thing ever, my brother.

4/19/2005 1:06 PM  

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