star wars Ep. 3 (part 6): revenge of the crappy actors

Here's what happens at the end: Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader and starts his intergalactic heavy breathing campaign. Padume gives birth to twins: Luke and Leah Skywalker. Chewbacca growls forlornly. C3P0 gets nervous in his cute, shiny British sort of way. R2D2 whistles and clicks. No one's ever heard of Han Solo. Obi-Wan Kenobi gets stuck on Tatooine except for occasional stints as a French writer who falls in love with a showgirl who works in Moulon Rouge, Paris. Just like in The Lord of the Rings movies, Christopher Lee gets a total of 2 minutes of screentime. Senator/Emperor Palpatine ages 700 years in 30 seconds after he gets struck by lightning. And Hayden Christiansen proves yet again that even if you're carrying a movie series that has meant the world to millions of people around the globe for going on 30 years now you don't have to actually act. You can just glare. And pout. And swing your lightsaber around really fast. And suuuuuck as an actor. And still have teenagers swoon for you, you lanky stud, you. But it wasn't a bad movie. I mean, it was no Star Trek IV: the Voyage Home or anything.... That was supposed to be sarcastic. Star Trek 4 has to be one of the worst movies ever made, even though they did save whales. But now that I think about it, Star Wars 3 (6) has many of the same flaws that Star Trek 4 did. However, Star Wars 3 (6) can be marketed like crazy and many of the chase scenes lent themselves well to videogames and action figures with cool gun and vehicle accessories. So there is that at least. Yes, I am cynical. Redeeming points: heavy on the current (and Roman) political references. Actually said by Senator/Chancellor/Emperor Palpatine: "We will finally have peace" (through constant war); "We've been tested but our resolve is firm"; "We're fighting for liberty and democracy throughout the galaxy." Any of these quotes sound familiar in post-Sept 11 America? Very violent, relatively dark. Many body parts chopped off by light sabers. Women and children killed. Bodies set on fire, etc. Not a kids' movie. So far from the original lightheartedness of Star Wars 4 (the first one) that it's hard to believe their by the same writer/director. The special effects were, as expected, amazing. But compared to the Battle of Pelennor Fields and the siege of Minas Tirith in Return of the King, it was nothing really jaw-dropping. All in all, a sad end to a great franchise. Yoda still kicks arse. But much if not all of the humor woven into all of the other Star Wars films--even the humor of poor old Yoda fighting--has evaporated. This is a Star Wars that has been through The Matrix. This is a gritty, cut-your- legs-off-and-leave-you-for-dead-on-a-volcano, die-strapped-to-a-table-in-childbirth-with-no- family-or-friends-to-speak-of, war-is-hell-so-get-used-to-it-by-the-way-I-switched-sides-and- am-shooting-you-in-the-back-now type of Star Wars. That and the acting by everyone except Ewan McGregor and the Emperor is droid-like. But other than that, great film.