The Edge takes on Bono's One Campaign

DUBLIN - Anti-poverty activists were stunned today when U2's lead guitarist, The Edge, announced that he will be flying solo in activist efforts from this point forward.

"Today, I am happy to announce the launch of Campaign Deuce, or The Deuce for short," said The Edge at a noontime press conference. "The Deuce will call for the United States to give an additional 2% of their budget to eradicating poverty and its root causes. I mean, nothing against the Bono and 'Brangelina,' but a mere 1% reeks of 1990s incrementalism."

The reference to "1% for poverty" is a not-so-subtle shot at the One Campaign, founded by bandmate Bono and several nonprofits, the goal of which is to increase the United States foreign aid budget by 1%. One of the prominent symbols of the One Campaign and the Global Call to Action Against Poverty is a white rubber bracelet worn by concerned anti-poverty activists.

However, one white band just doesn't cut it for The Edge. "Activists need two white bands to make a real statement. At The Deuce's website, you'll find a permanent two-for-one special. In your face, One Campaign!"

Asked to comment on The Edge's announcement, Bono tried to take the high ground, but couldn't resist a few jabs. "The Edge has to do what's best for The Edge," said Bono. "I just hope Yoko Ono didn't have anything to do with this."

Speculation continues that Will Farrell and Ben Stiller have plans to launch an even bigger anti-poverty campaign in the fall. "We've been beta testing some brands with a couple focus groups," said Stiller. "I won't tell you what it's going to be called, but don't be surprised if you hear about 'Campaign Ocho' sometime soon."

Farrell added a wink, then seven more.