My temporary life

There are perhaps two true seasons in my life, one is community and the other is its absense. While in one, I crave the other. How on earth does that make any sense? It seems that my life is defined by longings rather than a sense of belonging. I enjoy being a brother for a while, but then when all is going well this urge grows in me to be a foreigner onces more. I am folied by such a longing, for when I am the foreigner all I wish for is friendship. Community is wonderful, a place defined by our willingness to use our giftedness for the benefit of brethren. It is a concept too, but one cannot live in the conceptual. I grow tired of the concept of community, the thoughts concerning what it could look like, purely because while I stay in the conceptual I do nothing to actualise it. I appease my curiosity by thinking how wonderful life shall be in the future (when I have community), and yet a minute later I twat myself around the head and realise that the Kingdom is about now. The kingdom has come, and the spirit is with us. Community is on my doorstep. There is always a BUT, and in this case it is my own sense of pride. If I am very honest, the past 3 months have been spent outside of true community purely because I have not thought the people I have met as interesting enough, intelligent enough, or committed enough. Therefore I have not invested. How very immature for me to rate people, and more so, to rate myself as deserving of better. God and I have, as a result, been on quite a journey together. The winter of 2003 has been a time of great reflection. The lack of community as I would like to experience it has meant more time for me. Selfish? Not in this case. You will all know that I find it hard to sit still, and that I yearn for a life where adventure is in the everyday. You will have experienced conversations with me in which you have sensed that I am maturing; and others where my words reflect those of a juvenile. Winter in Lincolnshire is a harsh and desolate time. The lands are flat and the skies are gray oceans. I have walked many miles, crossing many dirt tracks and entering many regions of thought I never knew existed. I have realised how easily my mind ventures into the depths of evil, and how powerfully the lure of the world tugs on my chest. But, I have also found a fresh world view - and new desires that come with it. I believe that I can have community and yet still have the sense of adventure i crave...but it means giving up on my independence and becoming truly interdependent. It means proactivity, it means I must invite people along, it means I can no longer speak of community - I must be community. Yes yes yes...great words roger, but when have you ever followed through on such a grand scale? Your past is against you. I believe people are desperate for what I have to offer, and I am desperate for what they have. There have to be people, a few, a dozen, a thousand, who have asked the 'why'? question, gone to 'church' and then forgotten about both the question and the church. My endeavour for 2004 is to create a church that transitions together, grows together, experiences adventure together. The church exists in part for the benefit of building up the saints. It is for our benefit...that in community we might worship God together, and in our personal lives, we might develop relationships with our Father, our Saviour, and our Brothers. Only in community can I love the lord my god, and love my neighbours as I love myself. I cannot love outside of community. I bought a pair of walking boots the other day...I walked 8 miles yesterday. I have never felt so worshipful in all my life than as I walked along the tracks looking up at the world around me. Worship is what interests me, what fulfills my longing. It is in worship that I shall find the greatest adventure. Thank you Erik & Brad for sewing seeds in my life, for the introduction to community, and for the time you took to encounter the Lord with me. Have a wonderful and Blessed New Year.


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