I love the way you talk about Brooke, man. I am privileged to have had even the slightest taste of the glory of marriage as God desires it, through yours. Thanks for thinking out loud. In that arena, I've actually had the opposite experience lately. I found out that Sarah (in Chattanooga) has been dating a guy for quite probably the last year (meaning since just after we had our final gut wrenching conversation.) I went to bed so lonely that night. I thought I was beyond all that and open to whatever came my way. I realize now that while I've accepted that the door is closed, I have not accepted that she is anyting other than the "right" one. What a depressing place to be. Fortunately, while that is consumed a lot of my journal and prayer time, it has not consumed any of my interactions with others - at least not after that one day, last Thursday. While it seems you are blessed with the feeling of absence because of your nearness to Brooke, I am cursed with a false sense of nearness because of her absence.