When Favour becomes Conceit

I am struck by fear at the thoughts that come to me regularly now concerning school life. As a teacher I naturally wish for positive relationships with the people around me, and with the kids especially. I have been teaching at my present school for almost 6 weeks, and shall be there for the next year at least (I expect). However, in such a short time I have found such incredible favour with the young people. I find myself thinking about how wonderful and great it is, and then very quickly it turns inwards. I start believing that I am really good, and that I this...I that... I begin thinking that I am the determining factor in the equation, when the reality is that I cannot maintain the positive influence without a huge amount of love, mercy and grace being poured into my life. I had a dream the other night that my classroom suddenly became the scene of a great riot...that I lost control...that I failed. I attended churchlast night knowing tht I needed to have someone (anyone) pray for me in this specific area. I was extremely aggitated by the dream, and found myself soaking in negativity and worry. Such traits are rarely part of my life, and thus I knew that something significant was effecting me spiritually. Do tell me if I am off the mark here. A guy prayed for me. More than that, he spoke profound wisdom into my life, without counselling me. Our God is a god of Mercy. Anyone can see that. I came away from the evening knowing that the source of my success in school must be attributed to God working through me, and that while I certainly provide a means for him to display love, affection and sound teaching, I cannot take credit for his work. Therefore "I" need to bow down low. Life needs to stop being about me. I need to stop being about me. Just as an aside, while in church yesterday I had the strangest thing happen. I saw scripture in my minds eye. Not as in a memory verse...but as in a specific Book, Chapter and Verse. I turned to it, read it, smiled, and then read it out loud. Just FYI


Blogger brad said...

Wow, Roger, you write about this really well. This post seems linked to the last one you entered as well. I feel similarly like what you are describing often, (particularly since leaving Chattanooga, so) during these last two and a half years.

I think about the power of "Image" and what that means. Do you feel like you're being placed in a context with these insights to focus on a particular attitude of the heart in any way? (Is that a "heartitude"?)

5/26/2004 3:40 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home