My Dear Mogslopper,

As I began to intonate in my last message to you, a church who knows its business, who cares for its members and whose congregants are involved in each other's lives outside of the formal meeting, is a formidable foe even for experienced Tempters. There are usual techniques of persecution or isolation as I mentioned before. But I prefer the tried and true method of watering-down. Doubtless I have mentioned the old adage "a mediocre faith is as good as none at all" to you before. This adage is mostly true. The Hound of Heaven will be constantly after your patient; in the end only relentless tempting toward nothing will suffice. You ask what I mean by nothing? I mean, at best, do not let him focus; scatter him. Barring that at least find a really engrossing distraction. There are a myriad of possibilities for today's human--far more than in eons past. Whereas in the past you had only necromancy you now have nursing homes; where we had to utilize witchcraft, now there is New Age. Once we needed the laborious process of apostasy, now we have Universalism. Instead of moving your patient toward drinking the blood of some animal, we have only to have him pop mood stabilizers and watch pay-per-view television. I understand you young Tempters want to have your patients emulate the glorious degradation of ages past, but today it is simply out of vogue. That is not to say that an abomination or two would be unwelcome. It is simply a fact that today you receive a much larger return on your investment, so to speak, if you keep the patient's attention diverted toward nothing rather than something thoroughly wicked. Let us go back to the discussion about Church. At the beginning, we had only to make them renounce their fledgling faith--first at the point of a sword, then in the Coliseum, then simply by denouncing them in public. But eventually adherence to Christianity became too widespread and we turned to softening the commitment. With no more martyrs, sacrifice became something talked about but not truly practiced. Certainly, there were those Augustines and Wyclifs and Luthers, but they became fewer and further between each century. The vast majority of Churchmen are content to make their appearance--weekly if they are "devout"--and then go back to their own worlds of work and diversion, never lifting a finger to actually love their neighbor. They may gobble up sermons, devour their holy scriptures, learn the ancient languages and philosophies; they may even talk about becoming "worship leaders" or "missionaries". But, thanks to our vigilance, they are mostly just about talk. Your patient, for instance, should be waking up to his alarm clock each morning (he does have an electronic device bringing him into the world each day, doesn't he? If not, you must remedy this at once--I will explain why later). He should go through his routine, attend his employment, come home and attempt to dwindle his remaining daily hours in a state of repose, hopefully frustrated by many interruptions unless he is in front of his television, in which case he should not move until his bodily functions force him to. When he can keep his eyes open no longer, let him drift into his comfortable bed and find no rest. Better yet, he will ideally have a television in his own bedroom where he will fall asleep watching the daily horrors unfold on the 11 o'clock news. In very well controlled patients, thirty years can be spent in this routine, this rut. Your man will turn around one day and wonder where his youth has gone, prop his feet up and switch on the television again. By all accounts you must keep him from interacting with other followers of the Enemy, Mogslopper. Church is only dangerous when a person changes from what they were under our domain to what the Enemy wishes them to be. In rare cases, such as a dramatic conversion to the Enemy's camp, they will change instantaneously. More frequently, the Enemy will ask them to sacrifice their very lives for Him and, in some torrid, carnal, disgusting partnership, they will become New Men incrementally. The Enemy ordered them to meet together so that they will encourage each other in the process. That accused St. Paul used to use all manner of analogies: iron sharpening iron, the body of Christ, the living stones of the Temple, co-competitors in the Marathon. You must see that he never reflects on the meaning of these phrases. As long as your man drifts on his own, he is well within our manipulation. If he becomes a part of this "body," he risks becoming one of the Enemy's followers. Affectionately, Your Uncle


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