Indy-freaking-ana! How did I get here?

Do you become a Hoosier, or Buckeye, or Wolverine, or whatever the mascot of your current state of residence is, just by moving there? Is there some other perhaps less tangible quality that makes you one of those things rather than simply your address? I'd like to think so because...damn...Indiana. I'm going to be here for a long time--assuming I don't fail out of course. Notre Dame is a beautiful school. It's even nicer now that I've had time to kind of walk around campus and check it out a bit. It's also huge--much larger than I thought it was--considering there are only 11,000 students (grad & undergrad) and they have nearly as much central campus as Ohio State. It's also a well-funded school. Most of the buildings have undergone recent revisions and the grounds are well-kept. I'm so used to the OSU inequality of physical sciences, medicine, and athletics getting preferencial treatment that I am consistently surprised that the humanities and social sciences here have nearly the same amount and quality of facilities. And then there's the HPS program that I will be beginning next week. Holy crap, it's a lot of work. I keep thinking that academics get away with something given their schedules. But it's really just that there are limited times of structure in the university. Most of the time is "free"--meaning that you'd better attain a level of self-discipline that enables you to make deadlines. Honestly, if I ever had that level of self-discipline, I've since lost it. On the other hand, reading and spending time with family and friends seems a lot more appealing now than playing sports and video games and going to parties. So maybe I'm just a late bloomer to this academic self-discipline thing. Greta is growing like a weed. She'll hit 4 months-old next week. It seems impossible that a mere six months ago, B was big and round like a human beach-ball and there wasn't any random, shrill crying in the middle of the night echoing around our house. Parenting itself is odd and has taken some getting used to. Really the only tough thing is adjusting your mindset from "what I want to do" to "what's best for us." Since omnipotence doesn't accompany parenthood, there's so much trial and error--much more of the error half of that equation than I expected. Now Dave is living with us and there's the added joy and awkwardness of attempting to create deliberate community as three adults plus one very needy child. And the funny thing in all this is that at times--maybe most times--it feels like everything is happening to me rather than me making choices and then following it up with action. I can't figure out if that's a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, it could be good because it's a sign of just following what God has planned--walking the path, for lack of a better analogy. On the other hand, it could be bad because I feel like I'm coasting, not being deliberate. I do know one thing for certain, though. Despite the cheezy, faux-Aussie decor and reasonable prices, Outback is a dang fine steakhouse no matter what state it's located in.


Blogger z said...

so good to hear about your current days. i've been by hydra but my brain started to protest. i'll see if i can't round up a cup of coffee and mozy on over again.

8/23/2004 11:25 AM  
Blogger Roja said...

It is so good to hear that life is continuining to throw things at you - we definitely function better that way. Notre Dame sounds awesome; and I wonder, does it have the same sense of awe that is portrayed in the movies?

As for your question regarding whether you become something by moving somewhere: for me it is definitely dependent on the chameleon in me, and whether or not there is a part of me that truly wishes to have an identity that is founded in tradition. FOr instance, while in the USA, I loved being English because it brings with it many advantages. However, now in the UK it has no advantage what-so-ever, and thus I yearn to be anything but.

I'm training with a pro-basketball team now - though Im a good distance from getting any game-time as yet. I have defintiely taken on their identity though becuasue in part, the child in me wants to be linked with a pro-team, and to enjoy the pseudo-privileges of recognition that go with it. Perhaps Im still trying to be something I am not - perhaps Im being what I always wanted to be: it's a matter of perspective and distorted reality I guess...perhaps I really am going schizophrenic.

8/26/2004 4:00 AM  

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