My roomate and i talked about this. She said that in many instances where this is the case she turns it back to a question. Like asking "do you think this is a wise decision? Why or why not?" I tend to agree that this is a good move. I get less defencive if i think that the person respects me and really wants to know if i feel this is a justifiable choice. Then the person confronting me can engage me in a discussion where i know my opinion is respected and valued but also that they can express me me their reservations. Then its not so much a "This is wrong" type of thing, which is good, but if the person doesnt know me well enough to say it i just get defensive. Then no good is accomplished. However, if the person confronting me is a good friend who I know knows me I would prefer them tell me right off. Maybe this is just me. But if like katie had a solid stance that somthing i was doing was wrong, i'd be kinda upset if she didnt just confront me. Same with the two of you. I guess i only see gentleness as necassary when I havent reached a place whith the person where we have moved past the majority of the ambigious and insecure parts of the relationship. I think that where i screw up is that i want to be real and deep with people right away and i get frustrated as to why people dont respond to that. I think its this part of me perhaps that wants to be blunt with people i should realize are not ready to have that kind of communication with yet. For me, when someone is painfully honest (granted, if its about my faults right away this might not be the case) with me, its like an invitation to be close and real to them. I love that and i really really want that, so i respond to it. However, others may not take it the same way because, to them, bluntness is not the door by which they enter into intamacy. So for me, what is a sign of love and honor to them may look like im being an asshole. Does that make sence? I think especially for girls (maybe just cause i am one) bluntness is not the best course of action a lot of the time if you want to really love people where they are. I know i struggle with this issue of how to confront a lot too.... largely because im kinda not very girlish in this way presently. Also, because it does make me prideful so easially. I forget that one mans tequila is the same as some girls eating disorder is likeable to my unfettered jelousey. I have few ideas about this. Ovbiously, im a little shorter in the life experiance. Let me know what you think.