i haven't been sleeping well lately. part of this has to be because bradford has left the house. there's some strange presence that a person carries with them and when there's an extra presence (someone there) or the lack thereof (when they leave), i get thrown off somehow. some explanation on the thomas kelly thing. one of kelly's big things is recognizing God moment to moment. i think he specifically was talking about having that understanding of the Presence going on underneath every activity. at first, he says, you have to be conciously redirecting your thoughts away from yourself and toward him. eventually, you will be remade so you can more often see things in that perspective rather than having to think and feel one way and then say "oh, i didn't consider what God wants" and then have to examine and adjust. it seems like kelly is saying at some point there will be a transformation where our thoughts will mirror his thoughts to some degree. thomas kelly calls this being "illumined" on the inside. almost a state of transformation from the moon only reflecting light to a candle, which is not like the sun in its luminosity, generates that same fire. theologically, i'm not sure i can see us as anything else other than moons that reflect to a greater or lesser degree depending on our distance from the son. (that's a terrible metaphor and an even worse pun, but there you are). but in either case, i'm not there yet. prayer for me is almost always a "redirecting" from where i am to where i should be. and i have to redirect myself frequently--there's not really a sense of a "mindset" that i am always looking for God to follow him. i'm not sure that there's a qualitative difference in prayer that you have to make yourself do rather than just naturally do. is there a qualitative level to prayer?